Monday, December 7, 2009

Swimming Pools, Movie Stars, Flaming Ears.

Just got off the phone with Nicole, the surgery scheduling person for Cedars-Sinai. As in we just scheduled Ethan's Medpor reconstruction (the physical outer ear) surgery. As in we get to spend June 21 - 30 in beautiful southern California. As in it's another Christmas miracle and don't you wish you were me -- well, except for that one-eared kid thing?
Our pre-surgery consultation is 6/21, surgery 6/22 (in at 6 a.m., kicked out of the hospital by 4 p.m. -- does that sound rushed to anybody else?), drain removal 6/25, post-op evaluation/dressing change/ceremonial first hair washing/flight home 6/30. Nicole says that after the drain is removed we're pretty much free to move about the area, so maybe we'll see if we can score some free sympathy passes for Disneyland. I mean it's not like Ethan and Thomas haven't EARNED a few free tix by virtue of their obsession with your movies, Uncle Walt. Hell, most of what they asked for for Christmas this year had to do with Wall-E (Not. Cheap.) (Bitches.). And have I mentioned that we own nearly every single character and/or toy from the movie Cars, including the characters that sat up in the stands during the races but didn't have any lines or contribute to the story line in any way, you cheating bastards? ("I've never seen that character before. What do they call him?" "Seat 49, Row R, Section Q." "Don't we already have Seat 49, Row R, Section Q at home?" "That's Seat 49, Row R, Section Q, PISTON CUP race. This is Seat 49, Row R, Section Q, California Tie-Breaker Edition. Dumbass.")
And have I mentioned that between them, Thomas and Ethan can reenact the entire film Finding Nemo? And Toy Story? And Toy Story II? And A Bug's Life? And Monsters, Inc.? And The Incredibles? And Up!? And even Ratatouille? Do you have any idea how many hours (and dollars) our family has invested in your company? And need I remind you that when I had the BEST JOB I'VE EVER HAD, you bought the company and sold us all to the publishing equivalent of slave owners. And then you had the nerve to include free park passes as part of the severance package, but only 2 because apparently our breakup was just too painful for you to endure for a third day.
Meh, maybe we'll go to Universal Studios.
Anyhoo, I'm as happy as a little girl *pulls shirt out to simulate erect nipples* at the thought of E-train with ear. Something to twist when I'm angry at him. And I'm excited because we just bought a handheld video camera from (if you've never been, check them out. My dream job is to write product descriptions for them or at least hang out with the people who do). The camera? Coolest. Thing. Ever. Shoots HD video, has a built-in USB plug, fits in a shirt pocket and much, much more. And what's that mean to you, the consumer? Well, a shit-load of video blogs from the road is all! I figure I owe you a break from my crappy writing just because you've hung in there with us for so long. I'll try to spare you the really gory videos -- or at least post prominent warnings. And because I love you, if I happen to vomit during filming, I'll try to edit out the sound.
And if a film of Disneyland burning down happens to find its way onto teh internets at around the time we're in California? And if during that video you hear someone shouting, "We don't need your ears, we've got our own, mother fucker!" and that someone sounds just like me? Coincidence. Pure coincidence.

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." -- Walt Disney


  1. Good luck with all that. And disney is the devil. But I do love me some pixar.

  2. I am so happy!! Yay for Ears!! Ears for all!! Hope the trip is boring and uneventful. haha And Disney can suck it. Pixar, is of course, full of the Awesome. :o)
    And, for the record, I like it when you write!
    2010 - lots of hearin' goin' on!

  3. congrats on getting the surgery date lined up. surely there's more to do in LA besides Disney. (if it were me, I'd be too emotionally exhausted to give a shit, but I'm lazy.) but great quote by uncle walt.


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